What is a Reframe?
The stories that we tell ourselves shape our world. Stories change over time, ebbing and flowing with trends, moulded by our experiences. When we are young we view the world through our parents' frame, as we get older we try on many different frames and at some stage we stop trying new frames on instead becoming fused with the stories we've told ourselves over and over that have worn a well known path in our minds.
Working as a photographer was where I first learnt the power of a good reframe, often enough I would turn up to an event which wasn’t well attended and I had to work some magic to make it look like the event of the century. In those cases it was what was left out of the frame (the empty space) that was just as important as what made the shot.
Now working as a Counsellor, reframing is one of the most powerful tools I offer clients, it doesn’t require things to be different, it doesn’t mean you have to explore every belief to figure out how it came to be. It allows you to start exactly where you are to take control of your story.
Reframing your view doesn't have to be a radical thing, it can be a slight shift to the left or a weeding out of the stories that have gotten in the way of your view, it can be a step back or a zoom out to remind us that there are alternative endings to our choose from, it's up to us which one we choose to keep in frame.
Change is sustained when we are feeling good, which is why being suck in the frame of “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll never loose weight” “this is so hard”, I’m just not confident”, “they hate me” isn’t helpful, these negative messages only serve to keep up stuck and feelings of depression and anxiety can quickly creep in.
Finding your reframe is a process that takes some practice, it’s best to start small. Try something like the following:
I am not doing anything this weekend! reframe This weekend I am recharging
I totally suck at job interviews, why bother looking for a new job?! reframe I know job interviews aren’t my strength, let me get some help so I can improve because I know I have a lot to offer an employer
I am so fat, i’ll never be able to loose all this weight reframe I am not over weight, I am full of wisdom!
There’s a few tricks to finding your reframe
Identify the story that is no longer serving you, it normally sounds like a bully and uses absolute terms like “I’ll never…,” “Everyone hates me…” “I can’t…..
YOU need to believe it, you might not be able to go from hating yourself to loving yourself in one reframe and that’s fine. Just go with something that is a step closer to loving yourself more than you do right now.
Use your own language, you are reframing your story so use your own voice.
Simple but not easy, reframing might seem like a simple thing to do and in some ways it is but that doesn’t mean it will come easy, it will take practice and without a doubt the old frame will want to pull you back with it’s seductive powers, just thank it nicely for visiting and focus on your reframe once again.
