How to recognise that it’s your stories that are keeping you stuck
The stories we tell ourselves are incredibly powerful. They can lead us to take action but most often they keep us stuck in a non-productive loop. Which is safe because if we never try we can never fail, we can also never succeed.
These stories are so well worn that they can feel like truth and often we have the evidence to back them up. Like the story that goes “I’ll never earn enough money” which is evidenced by the $100 in the bank account and the 12 suppliers that still need to be paid (even after a record month) or “If I don’t do (insert task here) no one else will” which is evidenced by the 152 items that need to be actioned.
Before you dive into fixing these stories it is vital to identify them, here’s a few giveaways that an unhelpful story is at play.
-Absolute thinking. This is the all or nothing story. “I can never”, “I have always been bad at this”, “Things never workout for me”, “Nobody likes me”, “I don’t fit in”. There’s no room in this thinking for any other alternative, it’s black and white, this or that. It feels like the only possible truth.
-The delay tactic. I’ll do it when story: “I’ll do it when I’ve raised enough capital”, “I’ll drop the client who gives me migraines when another client signs on”, “I’ll do it when I finish my 16th qualification”. We all know that tomorrow never comes and neither does, when.
-The blame game is strong. This comes in two forms, blame of the mystical other: “If they were a better manager I would be promoted”, “If they listened more”, “If they handled the restructure differently”, “If they understood”. And blame on yourself, “If I had more training” “If I was more organised”, “If I had more time”, “If I knew better”
-You’ve handed over control. This might look like leaving all the decisions to your manager, business partner or coworkers “just let me know how I can support”. Sometimes it’s fate you’ve handed the reins to “I guess it’s just not meant to be” or even to an industry “It’s not done like that in my field”. This tactic works well if you never want to take accountability, you’ll never be known for taking a stand. You’ll never be known for making a change either.
-You’ve tried all the things! You’ve worked longer and harder, done coaching, got the certification, dressed the part, read the books, listened to the podcasts and yet still here you are in samesville, it may look a little different but it feels so familiar
If any of these points resonate with you, there’s a good chance that it’s the story that is playing that is stopping you from progressing to where you would rather be. The excellent news is, by identifying the current stories and making a few adjustments your stories can be reframed into narratives that set you up for success and growth.
