What’s the most wild thing you’ve done?
Last week I attended an early morning networking session.
The question "what is one of the most wild things you have ever done?" was posed.
After a few minutes of reflection, stories started to flow of near death experiences and risky behaviours
Then somebody shared something totally different.
The most wild thing they had done?
Migrated to Australia.
They shared how life was going well for them, they had a good job, opportunities were on the horizon, they were surrounded and supported by family and still they took a huge risk.
They migrated.
And I have to agree, migration IS wild, it's risky, uncertain and full of twists and turns along the way.
To those of you who have migrated I celebrate you and that wild part of you, that you that got you to where you are now. I'm sure it didn't happen easily.
You’ve got a choice to make.
You need to fill your car with petrol and there are two options you can go with. They are both special petrols and the way they get the car to go is by talking to it.
Let’s have a look at the options
Petrol A ⛽️
-It’s easy to find, any petrol station will have it
-It’s the cheapest petrol around
-It gets the car moving by using language like:
“Oh, i’ve never been in this car before I don’t know how far we will go”
“I’m not sure how far we can go so let’s not bother going anywhere”
“You’re a strange colour for a car, who would choose that colour?”
“Your gas tank is really big, I really would prefer something smaller”
“Did you see how much you struggled to get up that hill? You suck”
Petrol B ⛽️
-Costs just a little more than petrol A
-Is only found at certain petrol stations
-It gets the car moving by using language like:
“Hey, nice to meet you! I’ve never been in a car like you before I’m a little nervous but mostly excited, let’s go”
“Alright, let’s see how far we can go, I fill a personal best coming on and don’t worry I know where we can refuel if we need it”
“Whooo, that is one unique colour you’ve got there. That must make you go fast!”
“Your tank has so much space it’s so nice not to be crammed in”
“That hill was tough, I am so proud of how you just kept going till you reached the top!”
❓The choice is yours, which petrol would you go with? ❓
—-----------------------------------------------
The petrols represents the stories we tell ourselves in an effort to motivate us, both options will get us moving, though it’s option B that will get us further and lasts longer.
💎 Now, here’s the cool bit.
If you’re running on Petrol A you can switch to Petrol B at any time, it just needs a bit more refining, dedicated intention and a dose of self compassion.
🛠️I can help you ensure you’re running on the best fuel possible, get in contact to book your tune up soon
Do less, be more.
Doing is active (Yang) and Being is passive (Ying) and they are just as important as each other, like breathing in and out, you need both states to sustain a healthy mental state, strong relationships and personal growth.
Doing is the pushing, getting things done, checking emails, going for interviews (for jobs you don’t even want)
Being is the place of rest, taking time to meditate, going for a walk (without your phone), letting the dust settle, It’s where the growth happens but it doesn’t get visited very often.
So next time you feel guilt for not doing anything, reframe it.
You’re BEING and that my friends is what the world could do with more of.
If the thought of being seems like a waste of time to you we should talk. Shoot me an DM
Curiosity over Judgement
When we were little, curiosity came naturally to us, it was well meaning adults who wanted to keep us safe who taught us to turn away from curiosity and we learnt instead to make judgments.
Judgments rely on being able to categorise things easily and if they aren't one thing they are the opposite, think good/bad, yes/no, healthy/unhealthy, interesting/boring, these categories leave little room for anything in between.
Judgements can stop us from looking closer, making our own assessment, looking for an indication that something isn't all bad or all good.
We have learnt to reflect on things through judgement but this doesn't allow us to go very deep, think about the last time you asked someone how their day was, you likely got the answer: good or bad.
Jugement doesn't go deep.
Here are a few questions you can use to help you shift out of judgement and into curiosity:
-What does good mean?
eg: It was a really good day!
Hmmmm what does good mean?
Well I woke up early and got to do some exercise and while I was exercising I listen to a podcast I love, my whole day seemed to go great after that
-What allowed that to happen?
eg: That meeting ran really smoothly
Hmmmm what allowed that to happen?
After last meeting I learnt that I need to have the link handy so I could send it to someone quickly so I had an email drafted already in case someone needed help getting online, it made it so easy, I wasn't stressed at all and I felt focused
-I wonder why........?
eg: I'm always late! I need to do better, be better etc!
I wonder why I'm always late?
I think it's because I get overwhelmed with everything else I have going on and I always underestimate how much time I need, I wonder how I can change this habit
When we get curious we open the possibilities of what something can be, there is no one way to answer. With the extra space we give ourselves we can find more possible answers and solutions to our needs.
Underemployed? Here’s some things you can do.
Are you experiencing a gap between your skills and the tasks you're assigned? You might be underemployed, I posted earlier this week about what underemployment is check that post if you haven’t already.
Not all underemployment is bad, it might be by choice like working a second job while you build your new business, or a side gig that you do for your mental health but if you find yourself unhappy and underemployed in your main job you might need some help to navigate the situation, here are a few tips for you.
1️⃣ Evaluate your current situation: Take a step back and assess whether you're utilising your skills and qualifications to their fullest potential. Look for signs such as performing tasks well below your abilities, lacking growth opportunities, or feeling disengaged. Identifying the problem is the first step toward finding a solution.
2️⃣ Understand your value: Recognise your worth and the unique skills you bring to the table. Update your resume, highlighting your accomplishments and areas of expertise. Consider seeking feedback from mentors, colleagues, or professional networks to gain further insights into your strengths and areas of improvement.
3️⃣ Set career goals: Take some time to reflect on your long-term aspirations. What kind of role would be a better fit for your skills and interests? Once you have a clear vision, set specific and achievable goals to help you move towards that direction. Consider pursuing additional education or certifications to enhance your qualifications.
4️⃣ Network, network, network: Cultivate meaningful connections both within and outside your current organisation. Attend industry events, join professional groups, and engage with like-minded individuals. Networking can lead to valuable opportunities, whether it's finding a new job or discovering a mentor who can guide you toward the right path. I highly recommend Australian Professionals of Colour (APOC)
5️⃣Speak to a professional: Humans aren’t made to do everything on their own, we are social creatures who require support. You don’t (and shouldn’t) need to do this on your own. It can sound easy to just “be confident”, if it was actually that easy we’d all be doing it. Addressing the emotional blockages that keep you from moving forward is an investment in yourself that you won’t regret. You can book in free initial chat using the link here
6️⃣Be proactive: Don't wait for opportunities to come to you. Take charge of your career by actively seeking out projects, assignments, or tasks that align with your strengths and interests. Volunteer for cross-functional teams or propose innovative ideas that can add value to your organisation. Demonstrating initiative can help you stand out and potentially lead to more fulfilling roles.
Being underemployed doesn't define your worth or potential. By taking proactive steps, you can regain control of your career trajectory and find a role that aligns with your abilities and aspirations.
🌟 What is Underemployment? Understanding a Hidden Challenge in Today's Job Market 🌟
🔍 Defining Underemployment: Underemployment refers to a situation where someone is working in a job below their skill set, qualifications, or desired level of engagement. Workers are not fully utilising their education, training, and expertise, leading to a mismatch between their abilities and the job they currently hold. This mismatch can manifest in various ways, such as being overqualified for the position, working part-time while desiring full-time employment, or holding multiple jobs to make ends meet.
📊 The Hidden Impact: Underemployment both individuals and societies. On an individual level, it can erode job satisfaction, hinder career growth, and have a negative effect on mental well-being. Feelings of frustration, disillusionment, and unfulfilled potential are common among underemployed individuals, impacting their overall quality of life and their families.
From a societal perspective, underemployment can lead to wasted human capital and reduced productivity. When skilled workers are unable to utilise their talents, it hampers innovation, slows down economic growth, and can perpetuate income inequality. Furthermore, underemployment can strain social safety nets, as individuals may struggle to earn a livable wage or access benefits commensurate with their qualifications.
Confidence Hack
Needing to find some confidence this week? Try this.
Recently a client came to their session with a look of confidence I had never seen them wear before. Normally our sessions would be consumed with talking about one particular issue but we barely touched on it this time round, I asked them if the issue was still present?
It was.
So I asked what’s different? How were they handling it?
Their reply? “I was wearing my Bitch Boots”
Upon further exploration it turned out my client wasn’t actually wearing the boots but in their mind they had laced up a pair of pink leather, thigh high, stiletto boots that gave them the confidence to stand their ground, trust in their professional knowledge and walk away trusting they had delivered what was best for the company they represented.
How do you find your own version of Bitch Boots?
Imagine yourself standing tall against your greatest fear, what are you wearing? Describe it in detail, feel it, give it a name. The more vivid you can get in its description the better. It can be a whole outfit or a part of one. It’s up to you, let your imagination run wild.
I’d love to know what you come up with, let me know.
Underemployment defined
The Australian Bureau of Statistics defines an underemployed individual as: someone over the age of 15 “who desires, and is available for, additional working hours”.
I define it a little differently: working in a lower paid job than
qualifications and/or experience would suggest the worker is suited to
Underemployment can be a tricky thing to measure as often people don't want to admit that they are underemployed or overqualified.
Sometimes it can happen because you have qualifications from a different country that aren't recognised in Australia.
Sometimes it can happen because of the stories you hold that keep you from applying for the job you really want and are qualified for.
If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you just can't get where you want to be, it might be time to check your story.
“You’re so lucky!”
I love a big earring moment and just about every time I put a pair on someone makes the comment “you’re so lucky you can wear them”
I’ve got to say this attempted compliment leaves me feeling confused. 😕
I didn’t win an earring wearing competition. 🏆
There was actually zero luck involved when I chose the earrings I wanted to wear and wore them.
The comment is usually followed by “I could NEVER pull them off”
As I think about it I realise what the person is referring to is actually confidence, the confidence to choose something big and bold.
The confidence to wear an accessory so big it could be mistaken for a Christmas tree ornament, the confidence to take up space.
You know what? 💎
There’s no luck involved in having confidence either.
Confidence isn’t something you win or something you’re lucky to have.
It’s something you can cultivate and it gets bigger when you do the harder things.
It’s a practice.
Confidence is cultivated through showing up as yourself and just like you can have the big earrings you can gain confidence too!
Pink cars everywhere
A little while ago my nephew and I were waiting for a bus that was taking its time to come.
In an effort to distract us from the waiting I set a challenge to see who could spot a pink car.
The bus came before we were able to see one but we were distracted from the wait, so job done.
Since then, I see pink cars everywhere! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't see one.
It's not that there's been a huge influx of pink cars, it's that I have tuned myself into seeing them, in fact I expect to see them.
This is exactly how a gratitude practice works, you train to see the good and then it reveals itself.
When you are listing 10 things at the end of the day that you are grateful for you are training you mind to look for things to be grateful for.
After reading this, let me know when you spot your first pink car.
I even saw a pink porsche (sadly I didn't get a picture)
The Power of Self-Care: There’s more to it than what you think
Moisturising, bubble baths, affirmations? While these are forms of self care, they are the equivalent of fast food. They are cheap, easy to access and satisfying (in the very short term). Self care runs far deeper, here are a few ways to reframe it into something nourishing with longer lasting results.
1. Getting your finances sorted. I don’t just mean at tax time so you can get your return back ASAP. It’s figuring out the stuff no one ever taught you so that money is no longer something that strikes fear and causes anxiety. Taking a deep dive into sorting your finances is radical self care.
2. Go to the GP on the regular. Medical care and self care, boom. Make a non negotiable appointment and regardless of how you feel, turn up! You don’t need to be sick to visit your Dr and prevention is better than cure, so off you go.
*if you don’t like your GP, find a new one. GPs are there to help you, not the other way round.
3. Learn to say no! This is ultimate level self care. Somewhere along the line we were taught that the person asking has needs that are more important than ours, as my Mum would say “rubbish” it’s not a competition. Saying no can mean saying yes to yourself, when you look at it that way the decision becomes a whole load easier.
You’re the only one we’ve got, please take care of yourself.
The Benefits of Shifting Your Mindset from Problems to Opportunities
The solution won’t be found in the problem you are having, the two things exist separately to each other yet we love to hold tight to our problems, hoping that squeezing them tighter will somehow cause the solution to pop out.
Our brains are actually wired to focus on problems, this is actually helpful in some situations such as when we need to be able to recognise that a stick is actually a snake that could kill us, this primitive part of the brain's job is to keep us alive, being focused and alert to problems is the quickest way to ensure we stay alive.
In these modern times where there are less threats we have less need for that primitive part of the brain but there’s a bit of an evolutionary lag that means were still mostly wired to focus on problems
There’s good news though, we can train our brains to shift focus to focus on opportunities rather than problems
The problem matters less than you think. Yes, it’s good to identify what the problem is so we know what we want to change but we don’t need to put the problem under a microscope, repeatedly tell anyone who is listening, examine it as if it is a rare disease.
A powerful way to begin to shift your view is to ask yourself this one question “Am I focused on the opportunity or the problem?”
Focusing on the problem keeps you rooted in the past, a place you will stay until you start focusing on the solution which can be found in the present, the only place you have any control over.
Focusing on the opportunity allows you to take a broader perspective and come up with future facing solutions.
Here’s a couple of examples using the same scenario but with a different focus:
Scenario: You want to apply for a position that is a level above from where you are now
🚪 Problem focused view: I’ve never held a position like this before, I don’t have experience so probably won’t get it
🪟 Opportunity focused view: While I haven’t held this exact position before, I have performed some of the tasks they are looking for, this role would give me the opportunity to expand on the skills I already have
Scenario: You’ve migrated to another country
🚪 Problem focused view: Everything is so different here, I don’t think I’ll ever fit in
🪟 Opportunity focused view: What skills did I use to help me migrate here and how can they help me to fit into my new home?
Have you ever heard the saying “what we focus on grows” well it couldn’t be more true here, if you want more opportunities than problems, you know where you need to focus.
Why questions matter.
I was once asked “Do you have a busy household?” and I thought, what a fantastic question!
It opened up a great conversation and rather than making me feel less than with the normal questions that go something like: are you married? (no) do you have children (no) I felt that the person asking was actually interested in me and not just putting me in a box.
Have you ever been frustrated when you ask your boss or a colleague a question and they give you a pretty limited answer?
The problem could lie with the question you are asking.
When you ask a question like; how did the session? or what do you think of this design? you’re more than likely to get a pretty limited answer like yes, no, bad, good, it’s ok etc
The problem with these questions is that they are what we in the business would call closed, in that they only require a binary response, limit the conversation and prevent meaningful discussions. The solution is to ask better questions that encourage open-ended responses..
The trick to getting a better answer is in asking a better question, below you will find ten examples of better questions, note that they all open up a conversation and could be answered in multiple different ways.
👏 On a scale of 1-10 how are you feeling about this project? Followed up with, why did you choose that number?
👏 What’s been the highlight of this session for you?
👏 If there was something you could change about this what would it be?
👏 What did you find the most challenging about this?
👏 What three things will you take away from today’s lesson?
👏 If you were the manager, what would you do in this situation?
👏 What feedback do you have for improving this process?
👏 What are some potential solutions to this problem?
👏 How can we measure the success of this project?
👏 Can you explain the reasoning behind your approach to this problem?
If there’s one take away from this post, I want you to remember. If you ask a better question, you’ll get a better answer. A better question is one that opens up conversation and requires the person answering to think beyond the binary of yes and no, good and bad, meh and ok.
If the question you are about to ask can be answered with one word, think about how you can expand the question to encourage a better response.
Let me know in the comments if you have a go to question that always gets a great answer.
5 ways to come up with better solutions
One of my favourite things to hear a client say is “I never thought of it that way.” Often our stories are so worn in that we don’t even entertain the idea that there could be an alternative narrative. Thankfully we can train ourselves to be able to come up with multiple, creative possibilities.
Thinking creatively isn’t just reserved for artists or “creatives” it can help all of us come up with better solutions to problems we might be facing personally or at work, it also widens our perspectives and allows us to see that there can be multiple paths that take us where we want to go.
Here are 5 exercises to try:
Alternative Uses, choose any object and come up with 10 alternative uses. Once you’ve practiced this for a while, take it to the next level by setting a one minute timer.
Page, line, word, have someone shout out three numbers, then open a book, the first number is the page, second number is the line and third is the word. Use the word you land on and come up with five alternative words to it
Micro Speech, You have two minutes to come up with a speech that follows the format of Introduction, main body, and conclusion, points given for creativity and originality
Choose Your Own Adventure, another great group activity. Open any book, read out the first paragraph than you complete the story. If you are alone you could try this every day, so over a week you will end up with seven different story endings.
Incomplete Figure Drawing (AKA Mr Squiggle), download the line drawings I’ve posted and use them to complete a drawing, this is a fun one to do with a group so you can see what everyone comes up with.
Feeling bad is enough.
You might not be able to articulate exactly how you feel right now, that’s ok. Feeling bad is enough.
You might not know the words that clearly explain your experience, that’s ok. Feeling bad is enough.
You might not know where you’d rather be or how to get there, that’s ok. Feeling bad is enough.
You might not know how to get unstuck and moving again, that’s ok. Feeling bad is enough.
You don’t go to therapy to feel better, you go to therapy because you are feeling bad.
Just knowing that you feel bad is enough, we can work out the rest together.
Please get in touch via hellokatrinaj@gmail.com
The one question you need to ask yourself
The solution won’t be found in the problem you are having, they exist separately to each other yet we love to hold tight to our problems, hoping that squeezing the tighter will somehow cause the solution to pop out.
You need to shift your focus to the solution.
The problem matters less than you think. Yes, it’s good to identify what the problem is so we know what we want to change but we don’t need to put the problem under a microscope, repeatedly tell anyone who is listening, examine it as if it is a rare disease.
You really only need to ask yourself this one question “Am I focused on the solution or the problem?”
Focusing on the problem keeps you rooted in the past, a place you will stay until you start focusing on the solution will shift you to thinking about the future, the only place you can have any control over.
Want to learn more about shifting your focus? Book in a session now.
Where are you going so fast?
This used to be me and on some days it still is, I wanted everything to happen right now. I wanted it done and over with. Signed, sealed and delivered, yesterday.
The thing is, there is no end point. No destination to reach. No place to get to.
It wasn’t until I got older that I started to realise that the only thing that came out of doing things so quickly was the start of a new issue to work out, a new problem to solve and as soon as I finished the cycle of doing I was right back on the mouse wheel doing the same thing.
Have you ever been in traffic with someone who is driving fast, overtaking people aggressively only to pull up beside them at a traffic light all that energy expended only to end up in the same spot as the people they had overtaken earlier.
Going fast may help us finish first but it means we miss the lessons that are along the path, we miss the people who could help us, we miss the opportunities that were waiting to be taken, we miss the moment to catch our breath, regroup, reassess, exhale.
Are you feeling like fast is the only speed you know? Need some help to slow down? Get in touch hellokatrinaj@gmail.com
Mend the roof before it rains
This week and the weeks to come are going to be filled with a lot of chat about the Queen of England's death.
There's likely to be lots of triggering conversations happening and as we have already seen a distorted glorification of the women who upheld the oppression of so many.
So I thought I would give you a few prompts that you could say if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Taking some time to prepare for what's likely to come your way will help you navigate this difficult time.
- "I am sorry for your loss" this keeps it simple and hopefully closes the conversation down
- "You say the Queen was gracious, loving, decent, compassionate etc, how do we show those values in our organisation?" This helps redirect the conversation to something more constructive
-"I have a different view of the Queen to you, I'd really rather not talk about it." Acknowledge and move on, if the person doesn't respect your request to move on, see the point below
-"I've just got to go to the toilet/There's someone at the door" Get out of there! If the conversation is going nowhere, it's totally ok to leave.
Please don't think that I am trying to protect fragile white feelings here, I'm not. I am far more concerned about conserving your energy and helping you to assert some control over the situation.
If you need some help navigating things right now, please reach out hellokatrinaj@gmail.com
Stories matter
I remember the first time I traveled overseas, it was a trip to America when I was 22 to work as a Camp Counselor at a summer camp in Massachusetts. My first stop was LA, then New York and finally Camp Emerson which is in the beautiful Berkshire mountains of Massachusetts.
It was on my way to the camp that it struck me, maybe I had been lied to, maybe Australia wasn’t the most beautiful place in the world, because what I was seeing with my own eyes was pretty damn beautiful. Golden light pierced its way through lush green trees that provided a reprieve from the hot summer sun. The canopies of the trees were so thick that you got the sense that nature came first here and humans had been granted permission to build roads through the dense forest for ease of travel. There were new species of animals I had never seen before, the most dangerous being the spiders that were no bigger than a daddy long legs on steroids, that’s beautiful in my book.
I wasn’t annoyed that I had possibly been lied to; it actually filled me with excitement, like I had discovered something that the others hadn’t seen yet and even more than that I had found something just as beautiful as the place I came from. In that moment it became clear to me that there was no need to compete, no need to be the most of anything (most beautiful, most visited, most passionate, most awarded, most …..) I wondered, if where I came from is beautiful and where I am right now is beautiful, could that mean that there is beauty everywhere?
When I returned home I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about the discovery I had made but to my surprise it didn’t go down well, when I excitedly declared that I now knew that Australia wasn’t the most beautiful country in the world it was like I had set fire to the Australian flag. As though I had betrayed my country men and women. I had appeared to have broken a rule I had no idea even existed, I had strayed from the narrative that Australia was and always will be the most beautiful country in the world (in an Aussie, Aussie, Aussie kind of way)
I was pretty confused by this response and like a scared turtle I pulled my head back into my shell. Maybe I was wrong, if all these people are saying it, I must have been wrong but I couldn’t let go of the senses of my own body. I knew what I had seen and experienced. I knew I wasn’t wrong. I also knew I didn’t want to compete, I never wanted it to be one over the other, I just wanted (and still want) others to see that beauty is everywhere, wisdom is everywhere. Love is everywhere.
I share this story with you to illustrate the power of narrative. Stories are everywhere, they define nations, teach us right from wrong, tell us what is dangerous, what is safe, who is safe. The thing about stories is that they are made up which means that they can also change and the way one person tells a story is totally different to the next person.
What stories are you choosing to tell?
The only question you need to ask
I caught up with my uncle during the week, he has started to look into our family tree and has been to visit my relatives' graves. Some of them have names, dates of birth and death. Some had little more than a plot number to identify where they laid. Some have nothing at all.
It really struck me that as little as two generations before me I know nothing about the people who are the reason I am alive today. I don’t know what they loved or who they loved, I don’t know what made them smile, what made them cry, what made them laugh.
Now I could be taken two ways:
1. Feel awful because I don’t know these things or
2. Feel free at how little we leave behind
I chose freedom. To me it’s so freeing to know that what I do in this world matters far less than my ego would like to think. It’s not about the things we get caught up on every day like, how do I look? How much money do I have? Should I buy a bigger house? A bigger car?
All of this has left me thinking, how do I want to live my life knowing that in two generations to come my family may not know much more about me than where my grave is and that has inspired a new question to replace all of those above.
Does this make me happy?
Because if there’s anything I can leave behind in this world, I hope it’s happiness.
